no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
