maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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