if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Two words: nipple clamps
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