She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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