fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
