You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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