just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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