While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
