Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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