and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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