the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
