All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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