I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
