its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
