I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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