How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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