its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
