So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
