I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
