I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
