And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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