Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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