if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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