Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
