I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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