im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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