thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
