That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
