he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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