You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
