A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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