who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
