Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
