My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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