I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
