Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We smell like vodka and hangover
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
