In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
