you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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