Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she told me i tasted like america
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
