Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
