Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
