literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
