Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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