haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
