just tell him i said nine months
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
