True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize