someone threw a dead crab at me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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