Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
