similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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