If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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