I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
