a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
