My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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