She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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