do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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