You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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