After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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