Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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