Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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