She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"