They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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