I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
