I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
