Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
