True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
