I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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