yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
