I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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