NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this boner is exhausting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
