there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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