it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
