How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
