i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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