My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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