I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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