u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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